Nobody tells you it's the last one. That's the first thing I want to say, because everyone assumes there was a moment, some walk off the mound with the crowd on its feet and the wife crying in the good seats. There wasn't. It was a Tuesday in Cleveland, forty-one degrees, and I gave up a double to a kid I'd never heard of and walked back to the dugout thinking about whether the hotel bar was still open.
I was thirty-eight. My arm had been a rumor for two seasons. I knew, in the way you know a tooth is going before the dentist says it, and I had made a private deal with myself that I would never be the guy who hung on. Then I hung on. Everybody does. The money is one reason and it is not the main reason. The main reason is that you have been one thing since you were nine years old, and the day you stop being it, you have to find out what's left.
So here is what was left. That's the book. Not the no-hitter, though we'll get to the no-hitter, and not the trade, though my agent still won't talk about the trade. What I want to write down is what a person is made of when the thing they were made for is taken away, and whether it was ever really the thing at all.